Halloween candy power rankings: ‘Tis the season for candy corn

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October 25, 2017 by marlonpitter

First up to bat in the Nosebleeds Halloween candy power rankings, Marlon Pitter explains why candy corn deserves respect. (Adam Burt/The Nosebleeds)

Written by Marlon Pitter

If the best things in life are free, then the best days of the year are the ones that get you free stuff. In the case of Halloween, that free stuff is candy of all kinds.

We at the Nosebleeds have compiled a series of rankings of our favorite Halloween treats (no tricks included), so feel free to follow along with the series this week and let us know which ones you love or love to hate.

  1. Candy corn

I’ll get out ahead of candy corn and say now that it is my personal favorite for Halloween (and the whole month of October). I’ll admit I don’t crave this confection during the other 11 months of the year, but there’s something about candy corn that gets to me when the calendar flips to October.

Love it or hate it, there aren’t many candies that are as synonymous with Halloween as candy corn. Reese’s is a formidable opponent this time of year, but its year-round staying power slightly devalues it for Halloween in my opinion. Meanwhile, candy corn is to October as candy canes are to December. They just go hand in hand.

The hate for candy corn might come from the fact that there’s so much bad candy corn out there devaluing the good ones. In my experience with this treat, I only trust Brach’s Classic Candy Corn. Don’t do store brands, and don’t do any alternate candy corn flavors. You’re just looking for trouble doing that. That said, candy corn is the best, and I will die on this hill.

  1. Reese’s

For someone who doesn’t like chocolate, Reese’s peanut butter cups are high atop my short exceptions list when it comes to cacao confections. Luckily, I am a fan of peanut butter and free from nut allergies. This milk chocolate-peanut better tandem should be a staple in anyone’s treat bag this year.

  1. Hershey’s (Cookies ‘n’ Crème)

If this ends up your goodie bag, you have been officially blessed. Cookies ‘n’ crème Hershey’s are hard to find in a fun size capacity, so if someone splurged to hand out normal or king-size bars of white chocolate awesomeness, be sure to hit them up every year.

  1. Nerds (all varieties)

Grape. Strawberry. Rope. It doesn’t matter how you like your Nerds as long as you have some this Halloween.

  1. Smarties

Small tablets of sugar. Taste good as hell. 10 out of 10.

  1. Starburst (cherry and strawberry)

The Wrigley Company (a subsidiary of Mars Inc.) had a stroke of genius when it saved us the trouble of picking out the yellow and orange Starbursts in favor of the red and pink ones when it packaged FaveReds. I’m not sure if this assortment is still available in stores, but it’s not hard to pawn off the undesirable yellows and oranges off to a younger sibling. Overall, Starbursts are still worth it.

  1. Twix

Year-round classic chocolate bar by Mars with caramel and cookie layers. What else do you need to know?

  1. Laffy Taffy

If you came for the taffy, then you’re in right place. If you came for good jokes, then you’re gonna have a bad time. Either way Laffy Taffy offers a nice tart taste with all of its flavors, suitable for your path to diabetes this fall. Hell, even the banana flavor is alright.

  1. Twizzlers

The Hershey Company might as well be the king of sweets, as they produce the only licorice many people are familiar with in Twizzlers. They certainly got it right from the standard flavor to its Pull ‘n’ Peel varieties as well. Fun fact: Twizzlers are a certified kosher and vegan confection.

  1. Almond Joy

This Hershey Company candy may come as a surprise making this list, but Almond Joys provide a great experience between their milk chocolate, coconut and almonds. If you get Mounds, however, the dark chocolate variety, you might as well expect coal for Christmas. You’ll deserve it when you egg the home of the person who gave you Almond Joy’s evil twin.

Dishonorable mention: Kit-Kat, Circus Peanuts, Tootsie Roll

The more I had Kit-Kats over the years, the more I started to detest them. I’m not a fan of chocolate, as previously mentioned, and what comes with the chocolate – wafers in this instance – is not enough to offset it, unlike the aforementioned chocolates.

I don’t need to tell you how much Circus Peanuts suck. Proceed with caution. Same with Tootsie Rolls, but somehow these two still make significant appearances every fall. Yuck.

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