Halloween candy power rankings: Crunch-ing the numbers

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October 27, 2017 by jessepell

Jesse Pelletier counts down his top 10 Halloween treats, adding 3 Musketeers and Airheads to the fold. (Adam Burt/The Nosebleeds)

Written by Jesse Pelletier

  1. Swedish Fish

When I first remembered Swedish Fish, I thought for sure they’d crack the Top 5 for this list. Then I remembered how much bomb candy is out there. It’s not you, Swedish Fish. It’s me.

 

  1. Snickers

This list is based on my preferences back in my trick-or-treating days, and unfortunately Snickers and I were just good friends. But now… now, Snickers satisfies my needs. Nothing fills me up quite like a Snickers Almond bar, but I just didn’t understand back then. Forgive me, Snickers! I was young and immature!

If I remade this list for my tastes today, Snickers is in the Top 3.

 

  1. Reese’s Cups

Reese’s Pieces and other Reese’s variants just don’t have anything on Reese’s Cups. For a long time, Reese’s Cups were my #1, but I started seeing other candy near the end of my trick or treating days. But there are no hard feelings, and Reese’s Cups and I are still close. In fact, I think I’d like to see if that spark is still there. Whaddaya say, Reese’s? Just this once?

 

  1. Twix

Twix is the hot twin fantasy in candy form. I always go for Right Twix first; it’s just so much more attractive on the outside, but we take it too fast and before you know it, it’s gone. And then I take my time with Left Twix and it’s so rewarding. That being said, don’t pass up that smokin’ hot pack of Two Right Twix; you’ll regret it the rest of your life.

 

  1. Airheads

Wow, I haven’t had Airheads in a long time. They were a good change of pace from all the chocolate candy on Halloween, but I think the mystery flavored Airheads were the deal-breaker. I want to know what I’m getting into, you know? The Top 5 is a serious commitment, and to get there we’re going to need trust.

 

  1. 3 Musketeers

I don’t think I’ve met anyone who truly hates 3 Musketeers. And how could you? It’s so light its borderline refreshing, but it’s also filling. I have no idea how that works, but it’s magical. The issue here is that it’s chocolate and nougat. Something so good can’t possibly be that simple, can it? It makes me doubt everything the media tells me I should look for in a candy bar. It makes me hesitate, and that’s why I just can’t move 3 Musketeers any higher up the list.

 

  1. Skittles

Skittles are the perfect break from chocolate candies. Not only are they fruity, but there are so many flavors! You can eat one color at a time, you can go all-in and eat everything in one bite, or you can combine multiple flavors and experiment a little. Mixing lemon and lime is the way to go, by the way.

 

  1. Sour Patch Kids

Every once in a while, you just need something exotic. That’s where Sour Patch Kids come in. They’re so different from any other Halloween candy and that makes them so desirable. But unlike other sour candies, Sour Patch Kids starts sour but then gets sweet. It plays with your emotions, and it just makes me want Sour Patch Kids even more. AND you get the multiple flavors like you do with Skittles. To beat that, you gotta be pretty damn good.

 

  1. Butterfinger

There’s something oddly satisfying about how crispy a Butterfinger is. It’s quite the first impression. And then once you get to know it for a few more seconds, you realize that you never knew this taste could even exist in a candy bar. It’s chocolate and peanut butter… but it’s sweeter than you expect. And crispier. But not Kit-Kat crispy. A Butterfinger is more… flakey. But again, how can a chocolate peanut butter bar be flakey? And how can it be this good? Why is nobody talking about Butterfingers more?

 

  1. Nestle Crunch Bar

Most candy bars are predictable. Caramel, nuts, peanut butter, nougat; pretty much every chocolate bar has some unique combination of these ingredients. Crunch bars are simple, yet so different. It’s just chocolate and crisp rice, but for whatever reason I couldn’t pass these things up on Halloween. The crisp rice makes the Crunch bar exciting, even though it’s so simple. Plus, they weren’t nearly as common as Snickers or Milky Way or Kit-Kats, and that made them desirable. Since nobody ever talks about Crunch bars, it made me feel like I was the original lover of Crunch bars. I liked them before they were cool, if you will. And since they still aren’t really in the mainstream, you should have no problem getting tons of Crunch bars at the bottom of every bowl on the street from all the losers who think they’re too cool for Crunch bars. It’s the perfect Halloween candy bar.

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