Halloween candy power rankings: Take 5 with Cotrupi

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October 31, 2017 by coachcarter717

Carter Cotrupi can count on an eclectic mix of sweets this season. (Adam Burt/The Nosebleeds)

Written by Carter Cotrupi

Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we? A young Carter takes his awesome Tigger costume out for a fun night of trick-or-treating. Everyone else and their parents are dressed up. People are laughing, kids fighting over their candy stashes, and the older kids are scamming their younger siblings out of the good candy. Everything was simple back then.

Cut to present day. An older, less-healthy, more burdened Carter sits at the desk of his 9-5 job.  Marking days off the calendar until October 31st, he looks forward to the one night where he can partake in the joyous festivities of trick-or-treating once again. This time, Carter has money from his boring job. Money that ensures that November 1st, aka the first day that Halloween candy goes on sale, will be an equally exciting venture.

Here’s my list of the top 10 Halloween Candies:

  1. Hershey’s Bar

Ah, the classic Hershey’s bar. 12 rectangles of pure chocolate bliss. Whether you prefer more ambitious chocolate bars is entirely understandable. But there is no denying that the simple taste of the original, unadulterated Hershey’s bar is timeless.

Fun fact: Hershey’s revealed on their Facebook page that the little rectangles that make up the bar are called “pips”.

  1. Wonka Bottle Caps

You’ve heard of SweetTarts, Nerds, and Laffy Taffy. But who here remembers Wonka Bottle Caps? Small round candies that capture the sweetness and fizzy carbonation of orange soda, grape soda, cherry cola, and root beer.

Nowadays, I don’t drink much soda, but the nostalgic taste of Wonka Bottle Caps is something I will always indulge in. Throw a pack in the freezer for a bit and invite the boys over to crack open a cold one.

  1. Twix (Peanut Butter)

You are young, naïve, and the world is a constant motion of wonderment and discovery. You go through your Halloween stash and find this gold-tinted foil wrapper. You open it up and lo and behold, there is not one, but TWO chocolate bars hidden inside.

This is like that time you found a dollar on the ground or when you ate all those cookies before dinner and successfully blamed it on your younger sibling. Sure, as the oldest child you disregarded the higher standard of trust and honesty expected from you, but for one moment, you finish that first bar and look to see another one waiting. Life is good. The world is your oyster. The peanut butter ones are even better.

  1. Snickers

You know what? Snickers DOES satisfy. Why, I had a Snickers bar just the other day because I had forgotten to bring dinner to work and I had that moment of “the kid in me wants candy and I have the capacity as a working adult to buy as much of it as I want”.

Side note: Snickers is not a recommended standalone meal replacement.

  1. Sour Patch Kids

Sour, sweet, go[od]ne.

  1. Gummy Worms

Gummy bears may have the kind of popularity that calls for people to create animated characters that sing incredibly annoying songs about them, but it is the gummy worms that should be the alpha gummy candy in my humble opinion.

The grotesque fantasy of eating real worms as a kid can be fully realized by slowly chomping on these poor suckers.

  1. Starburst

I’m not alone putting Starbursts towards the top of my list and for good reason. These fruity candies have tons of flavors that can satisfy even the pickiest sweet-tooth. As for me? Well, you can stop throwing out those orange Starbursts because those are the top dog in my refined fruity candy pallet.

  1. Milk Duds

These things will run you $6 at a movie theatre, but you can get them 100% off by suiting up and knocking on doors around Halloween time. In retrospect, this candy is just caramel pretending to be chocolate but boy are they addicting!

The downside to this delicious treat is the hours of picking out caramel from in between your teeth afterward. But in the moment, Milk Duds is the at the peak of caramel’s candy career. You can take that to the bank.

  1. Take 5

Legend has it that the name for this delicious symphony of milk chocolate, peanuts, caramel, peanut butter, and pretzels originated during the filming of Ocean’s Twelve starring George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Matt Damon.

In the scene when the crew goes to the villa of The Night Fox, Brad Pitt had such a bad case of the hiccups that the director was forced to stop shooting the scene, yelling “Cut! Take five everyone”. Stumbling through the snack bar, Pitt accidentally dropped the knife he was using to scoop peanut butter into the pretzel bowl, which then knocked into the caramel sauce and the vat of melted chocolate nearby. Julia Roberts, startled by this incident jumped up, spilling her bag of deshelled peanuts into the mess.

After a few days of no one cleaning the snack table (because they’re all A-lists actors with better things to do and I guess there was no room in the budget for lowly interns), a curious Ben Affleck crept over to the table containing the now solidified mixture of five ingredients. He took a big bite out of the pile. Yes, seriously…he just dove headfirst into that mess. The director saw this and immediately fired him, opting for his less-talented brother, Casey Affleck, for the role of Virgil Malloy. Benjamin knew he would make millions playing a terrible version of Batman in the future anyway, so he set out to partner with The Hershey Company and in 2004, Take 5 was born.

Also…I have no idea where Take 5 came from. But it’s a great chocolate bar.

  1. Reese’s Cups

I read Marlon’s top 10 list and he had sound logic for not putting Reese’s at #1. But I decided to abandon all of that and here we are with the top pick.

Reese’s peanut butter cups are the perfect blend of chocolate and peanut butter. So perfect in fact, that you might forget that they are two separate ingredients. If peanut butter and jelly was Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, then peanut butter and chocolate is Brad and Angelina.

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