Two minute warning: week 13

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December 6, 2017 by coachcarter717

Written by Carter Cotrupi

Christmas has come early for us GMs in the NFFL. The playoff field is set. Six teams fought tooth and nail over the past several weeks to earn their shot at the NFFL Championship. With the quarterfinals starting in Week 14, the Power Rankings segment will be replaced with a more in-depth look at each of the remaining playoff teams. Week 13 was one to remember with the playoff picture taking a drastic turn right before the finish line. Let’s take a look at what happened.

Side note: I decided to provide some stills from the matchups to help visualize these upsets.

YOU DON’T DO THAT upsets Deez Nuts and causes a major ripple in the standings

Marlon was forced to watch his playoff hopes fly away with each passing second in Monday night’s Steelers vs Bengals game. 19 points down and with only the struggling Tyler Kroft left, the upset was complete, and Deez Nuts would fall down into 6th place. Now, Marlon has to go mano-e-mano with Squish instead of trying to duke it out with my f**king sick team.

Get in the bathroom goes down swinging

Remember last week when I detailed the two things that needed to happen in order for Adam to sneak his way into the playoffs? Well, he kept up his end of the bargain but would receive no help from Deez Nuts who needed to beat YOU DON’T DO THAT to bring Mike’s record down a peg. Nevertheless, Get in the bathroom would become the martyr Marlon needed as took down Wreck League in Week 13, bringing Jesse’s record down to 7-6 and ripping up his ticket to the playoffs.

After all that, here is the first look at the full bracket for the NFFL Playoffs.

Breakout Stars

Tyreek Hill (33.40 points)- Call him Mr. Boom-or-Bust because Hill is as volatile as they come. Against the New York Jets, Andy Reid gave up his play-calling control over Alex Smith’s offense and the result was Hill finally getting the increased number of looks needed to bring out his full potential. Unfortunately, the Chiefs still managed to lose and this new play-calling experiment might just by a one-off deal.

Miami D/ST (28.00 points)- “Jay Cutler throws 2 TDs, 2 INTs in the Dolphins victory over the Broncos”. Somehow, the Denver Broncos managed to outperform Smokin’ Jay in the turnover game. Trevor Siemian one-upped the walking cloud of disappointment by throwing 3 picks of his own. Seriously, the Denver Broncos made the 2017 Miami Dolphins look good. Yikes.


Kansas City D/ST (-4.00 points)- How? Against the Jets?! After an incredible start to the season, the Chiefs have slowed down and practically reversed their own momentum to come to a crashing halt in their playoff push. Alex Smith is having the time of his life fantasy-wise, but the Chiefs defense has gone from one of the most feared units to a squad that lets their star CB (Marcus Peters) walk out to the locker room with time left in the game.

Key Injuries

Vontaze Burfict (Bengals)- As dirty a player as Burfict is (and believe me, he’s as bad as they come), his head injury as a result of rookie WR JuJu Smith-Schuster’s blindside block is still brutal to watch. No player deserves that kind of head trauma especially with the rising awareness of post-football CTE at an all-time high. Burfict seems fine though, as he was reported to get off the cart he was driven out on before hitting the locker room entrance. I have a hard time arguing with Antonio Brown’s chant after the game, where he was heard shouting “Karma! Karma!” during Schuster’s post-game interview on the hit. To Brown’s credit, Bengals safety George Ioka later retaliated against Brown after the hit on Burfict by leveling him helmet-to-helmet in the endzone on a Steelers TD catch. I doubt we have seen the last of this gruesome rivalry between these two teams.

Ryan Shazier (Steelers)- When you see Pittsburgh vs Cincinnati on the schedule, you know it’s going to be a bloodbath. However, the tension between these two rivals erupted more than usual as players from both sides started chalking up injuries. But the most shocking and disturbing of all these injuries was when Ryan Shazier was left prone and practically motionless after an attempted tackle. The early diagnosis is a spinal contusion which means Shazier might avoid any major surgeries, but further testing will hopefully reveal the full extent of the spine injury.

Playoff Matchup Analysis

Unlike the previous installments of this segment, we will be looking ahead at the upcoming week’s playoff matchups to see what kind of competition we can expect from this loaded bracket.

#3 Squish vs #6 Deez Nuts

Poetic, isn’t it? Friends, roommates, rivals. This story practically writes itself. Squish has been en fuego riding a five-game win streak into the quarterfinals while Deez Nuts has slowed down significantly with two losses in two weeks. But the playoffs are single-elimination matchups which means that anything can happen from now on. It will be interesting to watch how Matt Ryan and Julio Jones produce when they’re representing different lineups. You want my advice, Marlon? Ride Jimmy G. the rest of the way. But hey, I’m not biased.

X-Factors: Kareem Hunt (Squish) and Melvin Gordon (Deez Nuts)

#4 my f**king sick team vs #5 YOU DON’T DO THAT

Mike has bulldozed his way into the playoffs at the very last second, knocking Deez Nuts down a couple spots and completely shoving Wreck League out of the picture. Currently boasting the largest current win-streak at six games, YOU DON’T DO THAT will need to stay hot in order to defeat the methodical my f**king sick team. There are a few tough matchups scattered through both team’s lineups, like Darkwa at the Cowboys and Gano vs the stingy Vikings defense. This one could go down to the wire.

X-Factors: Justin Tucker (YOU DON’T DO THAT) and Evan Engram (my f**king sick team)


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