September 22, 2018 by coachcarter717
(Cover image created by Adam Burt/The Nosebleeds)
By Carter Cotrupi
In Week 2, the GMs of the NFFL shook off the fantasy football rust and flashed signs of what we can expect for the rest of the season. Some of the teams that started out hot quickly fizzled and made room in the middle for the rest of the 1-1 club. Only two teams held onto a perfect record so far: Titsburgh Feelers and Wreck League while another two were sacrificed to the bottom of the board: Brian’s Team and Straight Cash Homie.
Here are the standings after Week 2:
- Titsburgh Feelers (+5)
- Wreck League (+3)
- my f**king sick team (+7)
John Avino’s team showed flashes of brilliance with an astounding 168.40-point outing, despite Vikings kicker Daniel Carlson’s best attempt at fantasy sabotage (3.00 points). Avino has set the bar. Will anyone be able to top this incredible performance?
- Squish (-3)
- Diddler on the Roof (+3)
- Is Joe Flacco Elite? (+3)
- Deez Nuts (-3)
- Free Kaepernick (-5)
- Jimmy is My Homie G. (+2)
- Sunday Funday (-8)
- Brian’s Team (-4)
- Straight Cash Homie (–)
Another week at the bottom calls for another deep dive into the mind of Straight Cash Homie’s GM, Adam Burt.
“We couldn’t bring home the first W of the season in Week 2 but I’m going to keep it clean and professional”, Burt claimed in his opening remarks.
Despite his seismic outburst at Marlon Pitter of Deez Nuts late in the season last year, Burt said he has put his personal feelings aside for this Week 3 matchup.
“It’s a new season and I don’t have any hatred towards Marlon. I get that I have to control my own destiny and I just didn’t do it early enough last season. But my squad showed a lot of improvement even though we fell short to John Avino after his monster performance.”
The enigmatic fantasy owner seemed ready to turn a new leaf before he had one final statement to make, “You better believe if Marlon is losing to Paige, he’s not in a great spot. I honestly believe my team is ready for Week 3 and Marlon might be the first this season to get tossed in the bathroom. And that’s all I’m going to say on the matter.”
Some things never change…
Standout Stars of the Week
Ryan FitzMagic (Again): I’ve already elaborated on what a delightful surprise it’s been to see The Beard rolling through opposing defenses. Until he decides to cool down, you can bet Fitzy is keeping his spot at the top of this list.
Todd Gurley III (32.30 points): It was only a matter of time before Todd Gurley III warmed up to his full potential this season. At the center of one of the best offenses in the NFL, Gurley III is in great shape to dominate the league and make a run (get it?) at a second Offensive Player of the Yard award.
Patrick Mahomes (38.84 points): 10 TDs and 0 INTs through the first two games of his NFL career has everybody raving about this stud rookie QB. Chiefs fans are finally able to see what happens when you pair a deep-threat star WR with a cannon on two legs. The Malhomes-Hill connection might become as iconic as Big Ben-Antonio Brown.
Sit-Down Stooges of the Week
New England D/ST (3.00 points): Facing a Fournette-less Jaguars offense sounds like a dream come true for most defenses, right? Well, the Patriots decided to hand this one over to Bortles and his entire receiving core as they got pummeled for 31 points last Sunday.
Derek Carr (15.52 points): Sure, Carr’s performance against the Broncos was not the worst we have seen over the years. He did complete an impressive 29 of 32 passes, but only one of them made it past the goal line, inflating what would have been a mediocre fantasy total.
Robby Anderson (3.70 points): This article was written after his 2.20-point output on Thursday Night Football against the Browns, further cementing the idea that Sam Darnold is not ready to utilize this deep threat receiver in his second season with the Jets.
Matchup of the Week: Diddler on the Roof (134.84 vs 134.62) Deez Nuts
You know we’re in the NFFL season when Marlon’s team is hogging the spotlight with his intensely-close matchups.
Truthfully, the decision to start both Cleveland RBs (Carlos Hyde and Duke Johnson Jr.) was not an outlandish one when you consider how bad the Saints defense has been to start the season. Hindsight is 20/20 and Kerryon Johnson’s 11.60 points would have spring-boarded Marlon’s team to victory. In all fairness, Mike Paige made some questionable lineup choices himself that contributed to this nail-biting conclusion. Starting Ben “Old as Dirt” Watson (4.90) over Jimmy “Has one of the Best QBs to Play the Game” Graham (15.50) is a mistake I don’t think Diddler on the Roof will make again.
I caught up with Mike Paige to get his thoughts on the matchup.
“It was absolutely down to the wire with Chris Hogan being his last real chance to put up point. It had me rooting for the Jags to stay on offense for the rest of the game.” He continued, reflecting on one of his star players.
“As for Diggs, oh boy am I happy Clay Matthews got called for that nonexistent roughing the passer. That allowed a TD and a subsequent 2-point conversion for Diggs. You can see how different our reactions were on Twitter [Mike and Marlon].”
Mike concluded his interview on a more sentimental note, “This win just sets up a rubber match. Marlon beat me in the playoffs last year. I beat him in Week 2 this year. Time for a round 3.”
I tried to get Marlon’s insight on his upcoming matchup with digital gridiron rival, Adam Burt. But he was still fuming (understandably) from such a close loss to Paige. However, Marlon did have one comment to make about what he expects from his team in Week 3.
“I’m still living and dying by the Saints passing game,” said Marlon. “Playing Adam will be fun regardless but getting a win would be even better.”
Few things are certain in this world except death, taxes, and Deez Nuts losing by less than a point. Week 3 is shaping up to be a wild one!